Philosophy, Sexuality, and Christian Me

I don’t know where I want to go with this post, but that’s ultimately how most of my blog updates go, so we’re doing good. I went on a Philosophy field trip last weekend and it was an absolute whale of a time. I met heaps of wonderfully weird humans akin to myself, had phantastic philosophical discussion, played many o’ board game (found my people) and got fed the best kai since I can’t even remember. We also squeezed in a lil’ day tramp which deceptively made me feel better about all the copious amounts of chickpea curry, cottage pie, hummus, chocolate, pancakes, oreos, apple crumble, ice cream, chips and god knows what else. I still don’t get hyper time, or why so many people are thirders in the Sleeping Beauty paradox, or how to not get caught as Commander while playing The Resistance, but I can confidently say that I shall be back next time. That, and it doesn’t really surprise me that a large proportion of philosophy majors/faculty are vegans and vegetarians…

Every so often I find myself reflecting on my spirituality and my past religious beliefs, which ultimately were turned on their head a few years ago when I came out as a lesbian. Honestly, my sexuality was just a part of why I lost my faith, and my reasoning was multi-faceted (and not what this post is about). It’s weird because Christianity was such a big part of me and my identity, and I absolutely felt the loss of a community that I was really close to in my church and in other circles. While that girl who held those values and beliefs feels worlds away, she also is still me. I have shed layers, so to speak, but my core is the same. I still have a lot of respect for the people I met through that stage in my life, and the friends I made, even if I have a lot less in common with them now. I wish them good things and I’m sure they’d wish them back to me. Even now, writing about this on a public forum, makes me slightly nervous; I have many friends and family of different belief systems, many of whom strongly identify as Christians themselves. I hold no ills towards you; I respect you and your faith. I also figure that if you’re reading this, I’ve peaked your interest. I just ask you to hear me.

Sometimes it’s a fun thought experiment for me to imagine starting university as a still-closeted, slightly-homophobic, Christian student. Would I still be studying Philosophy and Environmental Science? I’m sure I’d be involved in many of the faith groups on campus. Would I still hold the same political beliefs? I’d probably struggle with my stance on issues like abortion, euthanasia, LGBTQ+ rights; taking issue with reconciling my doctrine with my own personal thoughts. I might belong to a different friend group, and I definitely wouldn’t have met a lot of the people I’ve met this year – instead I’m sure I would have made a lot of church friends. I’d definitely drink a lot less, if at all – Christian me had some kind of aversion to alcohol/drunkenness. (Not that I’m a huge drinker anyway, but I do enjoy a gin and tonic now and then.) I’d probably also be awaiting a red-headed prince in dutiful celibacy while trying not to stare at girls’ asses…

Adiós amigos (+ anon lurkers, ty ilysm xx)