This site has recently been morphing into bimonthly brain dump, but I’m letting it evolve into whatever it wants to be. Little old me has been doing some thoughtful healing/processing/living in the last few months. It’s a weird time when you realise the year is over two thirds through and you look back at your year so far to see this beautiful mess of emotion and experience and change. I have this overflowing abundance of joy for the things I have welcomed into my life this year, and a growing appreciation of even the stuff that didn’t end so well. I’d be lying if I said I have no regrets, but at the same time, I’ve reached this magical peace of mind that I love and intend to hold on to. I’ve learned more about me, strengthened and deepened relationships, made new friends and dabbled in some new hobbies…stretching as wacky as acro yoga (look it up, it’s truly wondrous.) Odd but necessary digression – I confess to being the antithesis of flexible, and was that one kid in gymnastics at school who couldn’t do cartwheels, handstands, or splits, but acro yoga just… ugh I mean if I can do it, what’s stopping anybody else?
Re-orientating myself and train of thought: I’ve met my anxiety and depression head on again (we hadn’t caught up in over a year so it was probably about damn time..) and I’ve been able to see myself as worthy and deserving of self-love through this. I bounce back well too, picture pogo stick me launching myself to the moon…(whilst taking precautions to account for lack of oxygen in space of course).
Also! I switched one of my two majors…from Biology into Philosophy (bring on the useless degree memes, I’m ready). But seriously, what better choice for someone who had existential crises from the age of twelve, and thinks herself so hard into things that she sometimes cannot articulate her brain’s contents.
We painted a lot of colours in those paragraphs so I hope you enjoyed that artistic expression there. I don’t expect people to necessarily follow what I am writing about because again I am queen of ambiguity…but there is something therapeutic about spewing thoughts into the abyss of the internet whilst still keeping an element of privacy.
In summary: sometimes life is rough and you need to just listen to music that understands you and talk deeply with friends and wear your lesbian vest and lie in grass and fantasise about HAIM, but there is absolutely the other side and you can get yourself there. You are worth it and prioritising yourself is a powerful thing.